the last days of summer (thundercloud73) wrote,
the last days of summer

the injustice of it all.

my friend is quasi bulemic, or bulemic to be trendy as i like to call it, so she can say shes better than me at something. and she got the flu and they took her to the hospital and she made herself throw up everytime they gave her food so the doctor said she cant have any solid food for 2 more weeks.
i'm so jealous i think i'm going to rot.
because shes always been heavier than me and made a big deal about it, and now if shes skinnier than me and still complains.. i'm fat. i'm fat then.
and my other friend, you know the friend who waves her 'perfect' body image around like a flag, saying how shes so proud of her curves and all, she has recently stopped eating. and now shes a size 0. god i wish i could just stop eating and be a size 0. i have to work to be a 1.
and shes like "i'm not skinny!" and of COURSE the first thing to shrink was her thighs. i'm going to cry because i cant shrink mine, i just cant and i dont know how!!! i try everything!!
and hers just disappeared.
and i'm so fat. this morning i got on the scale and its said 104. it hasnt said that in a week. and then i got on today after not having eaten all day and it said 102.
after not eating all day it is usually less. i dont know what im going to do.
i have no money for diet pills, i want to die.

you guys, if i dont lose 10 pounds fast, in this week, i dont think i'm going to make it till next week. i cant do this. i cant, i'm going to killmyself. everyone is skinner than me, and taller, and i am short and fat and disgusting and i'm not pretty and i have a jewish nose and i cant handle it. i cant keep living in this world of perfect blondes with cute turned up noses and no problems, who can just lose 10 pounds and be like "oh my gosh! i lost ten pounds, te-he!" i think im going to cry. i think i'm, going to cry, an i cant fast, because MY MOTHER WATCHES ME, and little does she know i'm going to kill myself if i cant starve.

all i want is to starve. goddamn. help me.
please i need surgery or something, i have to get rid of my thighs. im going to die if i have them much longer. why are they thick like tree trunks? i'm so short, why am i so fat?
\my legs touch all the way up. my knees touch my thighs touch, oh god, why?

i cant do this, i'm having a panic attack.
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